A Wish of Death
by BlackRoseSophie
Summary: Ed's been acting weird these last few months that Al's been gone. Can the gang save him from a grusome fate? RoyXEd. Rate M for a lot of blood and some swearing. I do not own FMA! PLEASE REVIEW! COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**A Wish of Death**

**Part 1**

Ed sat on his bathroom floor and staring at his arms. Blood flowed from them. It was strange though. Ed didn't feel any pain. He was numb.

Al had died about four months before. It was some stupid accident that shouldn't have happened but did. Ed remembered that day. It would be forever burned into his memory. He didn't stop crying for three weeks. Everyone had tried to comfort him but they had failed. Well everyone but Roy and Winry. Roy had left for some mission a week before Al had died and no one had heard from him since. And Winry………………….. She hated him. He remembered her words so clearly.

Flashback

_Winry stood up and smacked Ed hard on the cheek. He lifted his hand and held his cheek. It stung._

"_You basted! He was your brother and you didn't save him! What's wrong with you!?" screamed Winry. Tears were streaming down her face. "Why didn't you save him!? You're useless!"_

"_Winry!" yelled Pinako. "Stop it!"_

"_Why?!" she screamed at her grandmother. Then she turned back to Ed. "It's true! You let Al die! How could you be so careless!? He was your brother!"_

"_Winry-" was all Ed could get out before Winry said three words that made him want to drop dead at that very moment._

"_I HATE YOU!" Screamed Winry at the top of her lungs. _

_Tears started to fall down Ed's cheeks. He stood up and ran out of the house never looking back. He vowed never to return to his hometown again._

End Flashback

Ed cut his arm many more times as he remembered that painful day. Blood stained the white floor as Ed sat with his back propped up against the tub. He had given up all hope on life. He rarely ate anymore and only slept after he had cried to the point where he was exusted and couldn't move anymore. He looked very pale and his bones could be seen. He had dark circles under his eyes and his hair was a mess. He also hadn't seen any of his friends in months. They probably thought that he had died or something.

'If only I was really dead……………………….' thought Ed. 'Then there wouldn't be anymore pain.' He sighed as he bandaged up his arm. He didn't feel like dieing tonight. Maybe tomorrow night. He crawled under his covers and began to sob. He had nothing now. Everything he had to live for was gone in the blink of an eye. He cried himself sleep.

--The next day--

"Hey Ed!" called Riza as she ran after Ed. Ed stopped walking and turned. Riza finally caught up with him. "How have you been?"

"Okay I guess………………………." replied Ed. There was a great sadness in his voice.

"I haven't seen you around the office. You should come by more. I know everyone would be glad to see you."

"Maybe……………………" Ed turned and started to walk away. Riza sighed.

"I wish that he didn't have to feel so much pain." she said quietly. She walked off towards Headquarters. Everyone jumped when she walked through the door.

"Roy called!!" screamed Havoc. A smile spread across Rizas' lips. "He's coming in tonight!!" Everyone jumped up and down for joy. Then after about 5 minutes of this Riza remembered about Ed.

"I saw Ed today." she said. Everyone went silent.

"Really?" said Hughes. He was so very surprised. For the past few months it seemed like Ed had fallen off the face of the Earth. "How was he?"

"Bad." replied Riza. "He looks really pale and really skinny like he doesn't eat anymore."

"That bad?" said Fuery. "Poor guy……………………….."

"Yeah." agreed Breda. "Maybe we should all go see him after work."

"That's a good idea." said Havoc.

"Well I told him to drop by and that we all missed him." said Riza. Then a thought hit her. "Did anyone tell Roy about Al?"

"Yes………………….." said Hughes in a low voice. "He sounded really bad after that moment. Then he asked how Ed was."

"What did you tell him?" asked Riza in a worried voice.

"We told him that we hadn't seen Ed in a while." answered Fuery.

"He wasn't too happy to say the least." added Breda.

"Can ya blame him?" asked Havoc. "He just found out that Al has been dead for 4 months and then he finds out that we haven't been paying attention to Ed. How do ya think he's gonna react?"

"Good point." said Hughes. "Well let's get back to work." They all nodded and got back to work.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

Ed sat in his bathroom once more cutting himself. Tonight he really was gonna die. Riza and everyone stood outside his bathroom door screaming and yelling. Ed had dropped by the office but something had happened.

His sleeve came up and everyone saw his bandaged arm and the blood seeping through it. When they asked him about it he couldn't think up a lie so he ran. Of course they had all ran after him. He locked himself in the bathroom and yelled at them to leave him alone. They refused and pounded on the door. Ed soon realized that there was no way out of this but to die.

"ED!" Screamed a frantic Riza. "Please don't do this! Come out! Please!"

"You have a lot to live for!" yelled Havoc. "Ed! Don't do this!"

"Just let me die in peace!" yelled Ed. Everyone froze. Those were the words that none of them wanted to hear. Ed had been talking to them but he hadn't said anything like that. Hughes grabbed Riza by the arm.

"Roy should be arriving right about now. I'm gonna go get him and fill him in on everything." said Hughes. "He'll know what to do." With that said Hughes raced to his car and jumped in. He drove like a mad man. When he got there he saw Roy sitting on a bench. "ROY!" Roy turned his head, smiled and stood up.

"Hey!" yelled Roy back as Hughes ran over to him. Hughes was trying to tell Roy what had happened but couldn't catch his breath. All of a sudden Roy got a very bad feeling. "Is there something wrong?"

"It's Ed………………………. He's trying………………………." Hughes didn't need to say anymore. Roy knew what Ed was trying. He grabbed his bags and ran towards Hughes car. Hughes climbed in and drove towards Eds' apartment. Once they got there they pounded on the door. Fuery flung it open.

"He's not talking back to us now!" He said in a very worried voice. "We haven't even heard him moving!" They rushed to the bathroom door where Breda and Riza were pounding on the door and Havoc was yelling. For once Havoc didn't have a cigarette in his mouth.

"ED!" Yelled Roy pounding on the door. "It's Roy! Open up!" They heard moving. Like someone getting up.

"Only Roy comes in!" shouted Ed.

"Fine!" said Roy in a very worried voice. After he shut the door behind him he turned to Ed. His eyes grew wide and tears began to well up.

Ed was sitting on the bathroom floor leaning up against the tub bleeding from his arm and his wrist. The white floor was stained once more with the crimson liquid that came from Eds' arm. Ed let his hair hang in his face not wanting to show his eyes. Roy knelt down next to Ed. "Oh Ed………………….. What have you been doing to yourself?" He put his hand on Eds' shoulder only to have it shaken off.

"Don't touch me……………………………." said Ed. His voice was stone cold. "You weren't here when I needed you so don't try to act like you care now…………………………… You lied to me…………………………. You said that you loved me and then you just left………………………………. You didn't even contact me……………………….." Tears were starting to well up in his eyes but he wouldn't let them fall. He had shed enough tears for Roy Mustang. Or so he thought.

"Ed………………… I do care." replied Roy. He could see the tears starting to run down Eds' face. "I meant what I said about loving you before I left Ed. That wasn't a lie. I truly love you and if I would have known about any of this I would have been back in a minute. And I didn't mean to not call you Ed. I must have picked up the phone over thousands of times but I never knew what to say. I didn't mean to hurt you……………. I love you Ed." Ed couldn't take it. He threw himself into Roys' arms sobbing. Roy stroked Eds' messy hair and rubbed his back. "It's okay Ed. I'm here and I'm not leaving you again." Roy held Ed until he feel asleep. Then he bandaged up Eds' arm and carried him to his room. After Roy tucked him in he walked to the living room where everyone else was sitting. They all jumped up after seeing him.

"Well?" they all asked.

"He's asleep now and I bandaged up his arms." replied Roy. He didn't seem happy with any of them. "Why didn't you guys check on him to make sure that he was alright?"

"He said that he wanted to be left alone for a while." said Breda. "He said he just needed to be away from people for a while."

"He wanted time to think." said Fuery.

"He told us that everything would be fine and not to worry about him…………………" choked out Riza. She began to cry and Havoc went to hold her.

"You all knew he was depressed and you left him alone!" said Roy with anger in his eyes. "There's no excuse for that!"

"Stop yelling Roy." said Hughes. The tone in his voice silenced everyone. The only noises were a few sobs from Riza. "We thought that if we left him alone it would give him time to sort things out in his head. We never expected him to do this to himself. You need to stop acting mad at us, stop blaming yourself and stop being mad at yourself."

Hughes hit it right on the mark. Roy was blaming himself for not being there to stop Ed. He was mad at himself for making Ed think that he didn't love him and he was taking it out on his friends.

"Sorry." said Roy looking at the floor. "I just haven't really had much time to adjust to all this news."

"It's okay." said Havoc who was doing a great job of calming Riza down. "It's a lot to take in. You've only had a few hours to adjust."

"So…………. How have you all been?" asked Roy wanting to change the subject.

"Good." said Hughes. "In fact!" He pulled out a lot of photos of Elisa. "I have pictures!"

"Some things never change." said Roy as he shook his head and smiled. "Hey Havoc. You have a girlfriend yet?" Havoc blushed and turned away just like Riza who had stopped crying.

"Yep……………….." replied Havoc. Roy looked from Havoc to Riza and then back.

"You two?" said Roy. Riza nodded. "How long?"

"About a month." said Havoc who was still blushing. Roy grinned at them.

"Well I never would have pictured it but I'm happy for the both of you." Said Roy.

"Thanks………….." said Havoc and Riza, who were still blushing.

"What about you Fuery?" asked Roy.

"I'm okay. Nothing has really changed in my life. It's the same old." He replied. Roy shook his head.

"And what's up with you Breda?"

"Same old, same old."

"Man you guys sure have gotten boring." said Roy.

"Well what have you been up too?" asked Havoc.

"Work." replied Roy.

"And you say we're boring." said Hughes in a joking tone. "All you've been doing is work." He punched Roy I the arm. "Now are you gonna look at the pictures of Elisa or what?"

"I will just calm down." replied Roy. He rolled his eyes and took the pictures from Hughes. "You really haven't changed Hughes."


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

Ed woke up in his bed. At first he was shocked to find himself in his bed. He didn't remember coming in here the night before. Then everything that had happened last night came back to him. Roy was back. But for how long? Sure, Roy had said that he wasn't leaving him again but-

No! He believed Roy. He said that he was gonna stay and he would. He wasn't gonna start to doubt the man that he loved. But what would Roy say when he found out that it was his fault that Al had died? What would happen when he found out that he didn't save Al? Would he hate him? Or would he stay with him? At that very moment Roy walked into the room.

"You're awake." said Roy. He sat down next to Ed. "You feeling better?"

"A little………………." replied Ed. He turned his head away but Roy pulled Eds' face back towards him. Roy kissed Ed. At first Ed was shocked but he didn't pull away. Then after a few minutes he melted in to Roys' kiss. After about 10 minutes they broke the kiss for air. They sat in silence for quite a while.

"How long have you been doing this to yourself?" Roy half-asked, half-demanded. Ed wanted to turn away so badly but Roy grip was strong. "Please tell me."

"Ever since a month after Al's death………………………." replied Ed. Roys' eyes filled with sorrow.

"Why?"

"Because………………… Because I went back home………………….. And Winry hates me. I don't blame her. After all it's my fault-"

"Don't ever say that again Ed!" Roys' face turned from sorrow to anger. "Don't you dare blame this on yourself!"

"Why not!? He was my little brother and I didn't save him! It is completely my fault!"

"Ed! Listen to yourself! It's not your fault that you didn't go with Al! You couldn't have known that he would have been hit by a car! Stop blaming yourself!" Tears started to fill Eds' golden eyes.

"But if I just would have gone with him-"

"If you would have gone with him you would have gotten hit, too! Then you both would be dead and you would have left more pain for those who care about you!"

Al had just gotten his body back about a month before he died. A drunk driver came up on the sidewalk and hit him while he was walking to the office to pick up something that he had left a few hours before. Ed blamed himself because he was going to go with Al to the office but didn't. He had some work that he had to do at home and didn't wanna leave. Tears started to fall again from Eds' eyes. Roy hugged him.

"Ed you loved Al and he knew it. He died knowing that he was loved and cared for. He was a wonderful person and wouldn't want you hurting yourself. Stop hurting yourself for him. Al would want you to live life to the fullest not slowly kill yourself." Ed nodded his head. "No one is really forgotten as long as there are people there to remember them." Ed knew that Roy was right. He sat in Roys' arms and fell asleep knowing that he would never be alone again and that no matter what Al would always be with him.


End file.
